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  1. #1

    A Hoarwell Horror Story

    On a rocky beach somewhere along the Hoarwell River an unexpected story began to unfurl.
    A seemingly harmless Hobbit began to fish, attracting the local wildlife.
    Many a fierce-some monster did appear and often interrupt his exploits until an epiphany struck violently in this little lad's mind...
    He thought to dine with the darkness.

    Late on into the evening, a mighty Warg appeared from out from the shadowy waters.
    Speaking in a strangely familiar Westron tongue, he announced his own name in greeting,

    "Heya, I'm Miltfang! What are you doing just standing there?"

    Startled and yet curious the half-ling replied back with surprisingly successful results,

    "I..erm.. am..uh.. Skoch! Ye wantsez ta eats sometin?"

    Barking wildly with excitement, both Skoch and Miltfang began to share in delightful conversation over a late-night meal!

    It wasn't until meeting up with his long-time friend, the nefarious Elf, Illydros, did his sinister plans come into full view.
    Approaching to ask about the latest news from the front-lines of the Ettenmoors,
    Illydros received something of an interesting reply when Skoch blurted out;

    "I wanna be a Warg-rider! Gotta catch meees one of deez! Dey gotsez good food-stuffs too!"

    The ever calculating Elf offered his help and thier discussion went something like this:

    Illydros: "Can you lure in the Wargs with that fishing pole?"

    Skoch: "Yesh, but I cannae do much to keep dem from runnin' away."

    Illydros: "Perhaps my Javelin can hamper them down long enough for you to jump them."

    Skoch: "Muahahahahaha! Den we eatsez!"

    Illydros: "I'm not sure where this is going, nor do I think that is related to you becoming a warg-rider..."

    Skoch: "Shuuuuh! 'Ere comesez one now! Hideded!"

    In just that moment a powerful and feared Warg swam rapidly toward them, prepared to enjoy a new chew toy!
    Skoch quickly tossed his Norbog Gizzard-bait into the Hoarwell as Illydros cloaked himself in Elven shadows.
    It worked!
    The infamous Warg known as "Looma the Hunter-slayer" wrapped her fangs around the fishing line and began to pull...

    What will become of their plan?
    Will Skoch fulfill his dream of becoming a Warg-rider,
    or will the Wargs simply
    adopt a new pet of their own?
    All this and more in upcoming episodes of A Hoarwell Horror Story!
    Last edited by UrbanSavant; Mar 03 2014 at 09:39 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2010
    10/10, will read more

  3. #3
    Ach! Though I know not what trickery this may delve into, I must know how one could become able to do such a thing! A goodly beginning to an epic tale...

  4. #4
    Awesome skoch! Edge of my seat when does part 2 come out ?
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  5. #5
    *claps paws wildly*
    Pouncival Azbiter- Plucky Comic Relief of the Ettenmoors-
    The Warg of The Dance
    DO Not Meddle in the Affairs of Wargs
    For you are crunchy, and taste good with bacon.

  6. #6
    I think you need to throw that one back

  7. #7
    Awesome beginning. Hope it won't be lost in the depths of forums..

  8. #8

    The Freeps miscalculated.
    The sheer force from the ferocious Warg pulling in opposing direction out-matched the fishing proficiency of the Half-ling.
    Looma pulled...
    Skoch followed.
    Her paws sprinted in furious swim as his feet skimmed suspended over the water, matching each-other in speed!

    "Woooohoooo! We Flyinsez!"

    "Fvvvvrooom! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

    They were equally thrilled and enthralled in what seemed to be a dangerously fun activity for two!
    Surfing with a Warg.
    Surfwarging? Warg-surfing? Wargboarding?

    But just as both Warg and rider were beginning to get the hang of things,
    a menacing onlooker decided to jealously interrupt their friendly sport.

    Leafcull Fell-Maple critically hit Skoch with angry swipe for 187 damage to morale.
    Skoch is stunned!

    A Huge Huorn snatched up the little Hobbit in gnarled limbs,
    rooting him and snapping the fishing line and its shaft in-twain.
    Startled by the violent interference, Looma's keen stalker instincts quickly triggered her into hiding in plain sight.
    In that same moment, a great many unnerving howls could be heard throughout the surrounding Hithlad forest.
    Panicking, Skoch shouted out for his very distantly out-of-range Elven accomplice;

    "Illy, come savesez meeee!"

    It was to no avail, for a terrible pack of nine hungry Wargs appeared and pounced!!!
    Clenching his eyes shut, the warden shielded himself as best he could.
    However, instead of being attacked he was given freedom!

    Warg pack defeated Leafcull Fell-Maple.

    Shocked by the sudden turn of events,
    Skoch attempted to escape through a distraction by tossing his [Broken Fishing pole] as far away as Wardenly possible.
    But remarkably it was intercepted mid-air by a dextrous veteran Warg,
    brought back, and returned to his feet.


    "Eh? Do ye wantsez ta play?"

    Deciding the animal might actually want to chew on something more useful,
    he reached out for a nearby highly-valued [Grimwood-kindling] stick.
    Yet another Warg, much younger in appearance,
    hopped up, took hold of the wood and started tugging at it.
    Skoch then jerked back in reaction, lightly thrashing it from side-to-side.

    Around they went, one Warg after another in a Tug-of-War sequence coupled with occasional Stick-Fetching maneuvers!
    This wild spectacle would ensue for remainder of the evening, as neither side relented in their playful excitement!

    Is Skoch learning the ways of the Warg-rider,
    or are the wargs merely toying with their dinner?
    Wargboarding? Really?
    Answers to these questions and much more coming up in future episodes of A Hoarwell Horror Story!
    Eyes out!
    Last edited by UrbanSavant; Mar 10 2014 at 08:36 PM.

  9. #9

    Thumbs up

    You might want to rethink the strategy of having that many wargs playing fetch with those sticks on your back

  10. #10
    That's an awesome story Mr Skoch! I wanna know more! Wargs always come and eat me when I try to play them music..
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  11. #11
    Keep it up Mr. Skoch.

    We need more power to the funnies!
    been in moors too long... Jimmycake
    Better to be noticed by actions than words.
    Now Streaming via twitch @ https://www.twitch.tv/cow_tippin_mike

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    This gave me quite the chuckle. I smell soap opera! Quick, get it into syndication!

  13. #13
    This is hilarious!

    Wargs, they want to have fun
    Wargs, just want to have fun
    That's all they really want
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  14. #14
    Early that next morning, as the dew began to evaporate off the vast landscape of the Ettenmoors,
    the peoples of those lands awoke to the strange animal-like sounds of something clearly in distress.

    "Wut Wut Wut Noooooooooooooes But But But Whyyyyyyyyyys!?"

    Upon closer investigation,
    the Free Peoples found a small half-ling-type creature standing before the inhabitants of Glân Vraig -
    angrily squawking, popping and squealing away...

    Skoch: "Errrrrrr But Nooooes No No Nooooes Ye dun understandeded! We be friendsez!"

    Coldfells Guard: "Listen, we cant just allow you to run around frolicking with the enemy. It just doesn't work like that here."

    Skoch: "Frizzzle-frop-dot maggoty-shroom! Datz not fair! We jus wanna work togethersez ta have fun and dooo tings."

    Coldfells Scout: "What sort-of things would you two be doing out there anyway?"

    Skoch: "Wells ye knows, Warg tings, Warden tings... ye know... Warg-rider type tings."

    Coldfells Elite: "Preposterous! We are all here at war with a terrible enemy! We gather in these lands for the sole purpose of killing monsters. And you... you are indeed a Warden! Is that not enough of a roll for you to play? "

    Skoch: "Wells yesh! Ya Ya Ya! We dooos dat! War den play! Together!"

    Coldfells Elite: "No! Nay, never give an inch to the forces of darkness!"

    Unified Free-Peoples: "Hear, hear!"

    On another side of the Ettenmoors, a magnificent thunderous roar shook the landscape of Gramsfoot!
    With it permeated dreadful defiler moans and the rattle of Fell-wrought weaponry.
    ... Orc Council

    Krahjarn War-Tyrant: "What's this look like to you, Sluggard - A Sofa Pit Convention?
    Get back to work or I'll carve your hide."

    Looma: "Look, there could be tactical advantage to working with a Hobgoblin."

    Krahjarn Felarrow: "There'll be no flip-floppin' around with any freep on my watch!"

    Looma: "Actually, it might not be full-blooded Freep."

    Ongbúrz Defiler: "Sssssssss It will never work, it goesss againsssst Creep Code!"

    Krahjarn War-Tyrant: "Listen well Slug, we ain't having the likes o' Spy business from anyone!
    Try spending less time sunbathing down at Buffalo Beach!"

    All Orcs: "Bhuaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaa !"

    Ongbúrz Taskmaster: Aye! Now move along or feel the crack of my whip!!!

    Looma scored a critical hit with Topple on the Krahjarn War-Tyrant.
    Krahjarn War-Tyrant is stunned!
    Looma applied a benefit with Disappear to herself and "H.I.P'sed"

    Orc Council adjourned.

    Undeterred by the negative responses from their respective sides,
    both warg and rider met up once again to continue their training.
    The first order of business was, of course, wargboarding!
    Up and down the Northern-most section of the Hoarwell River they went,
    surfing the waters as one might expect of a "Pro".

    Yet unbeknownst to the two,
    a yellowish-green goo oozed out from a [Barrel of Poison] and had spread across the surface of the water...
    Banking hard into an enormous wake they slip head-long into the bulk of it and subsequently off a Hoardale waterfall cliff-side!

    "Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooops!"

    Are their wargboarding days over?
    How does one apply for Orc Council membership?
    Can both freep and creep work together for mutual gain?
    These and many other questions answered in the next A Hoarwell Horror Story!

  15. #15
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Well, it's about time! Keep it up, Skoch.

    My favorite line thusfar: "Frizzzle-frop-dot maggoty-shroom! Datz not fair! We jus wanna work togethersez ta have fun and dooo tings."

  16. #16
    I'm pretty late to this thread but... cool story!



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