Thread: I just HAVE to know..
Jun 20 2012 05:33 AM #1
I just HAVE to know..
I remember ages ago someone advising me that I should never tell LOTRO players that I'm female as I will shock and be shunned by the (apparently mostly) male community! I know it's way out there now, but I would love to hear peoples thoughts on this! I've never been shunned or shocked anyone by admitting my gender in game or on the forums, and it has become something of a humourous and unrealistic cliche to believe that girls shouldn't be gamers!
Does anyone actually really stand by this? xD★ª"˜¨¨★ª"˜¨¨¯¯¨¨˜ª¤.¸`*•.¸*•¸★ ☆★ Lyrabel ★☆★¸•*¸.•*´¸.¤ª˜¨¨¯¯¨¨˜"ª★¨¨˜" ª★
Jun 20 2012 05:41 AM #2
Well, I played with quite a lot of females, my kin got a few couples playing together and generally never found it frustrating or had the need to point out the gender differences. But, after all I am 35 years old man with 12 years marriage and 2 lovely daughters... I am not sure how will this work with a 14 years old who never had a real girlfriend yet
Jun 20 2012 05:45 AM #3
Not just Lotro players but gamers in general I suspect People have always assumed I'm male unless they hear me talk or I state otherwise, it's just the way things are. There are plenty of female players in my kin though, and the world hasn't ended yet...Blaize, Ellorien, Melica, Rhedyn, Finriel, Aerynna, Merywen, Faelarth, and Tathriel, wandering the shores of Middle Earth.
Jun 20 2012 06:04 AM #4
I'm 21, but have been playing since I was 17 - I was still naive then and believed I really shouldnt let anyone know that I was the actual gender of my toon incase I got hit with remarks about it! Couldn't care less even if that was the case now though. I'm sure plenty of women can play just as good or better, or worse than some of the men.
I have actually started realising lately that alot of people I end up speaking to are older players (not old, just older than the typical just-turned-teenager and including me!)
This suprises and fascinates me as i used to think only teens played it! But obviously, the books came out first as has been stated, and the fan base grew from that and so would of course be huge and cause a mix of players ranging from younger to older. Shows how much I know! (Pssshhtypicalfemalebrain...)
Last edited by Scarletstarr; Jun 20 2012 at 06:09 AM.★ª"˜¨¨★ª"˜¨¨¯¯¨¨˜ª¤.¸`*•.¸*•¸★ ☆★ Lyrabel ★☆★¸•*¸.•*´¸.¤ª˜¨¨¯¯¨¨˜"ª★¨¨˜" ª★
Jun 20 2012 06:06 AM #5
Well, the majority of my kinship is women, so........
Jun 20 2012 06:09 AM #6
Are you saying I'm old?
Jun 20 2012 06:11 AM #7
Jun 20 2012 06:14 AM #8
Hee hee... Nice save
Jun 20 2012 06:17 AM #9
I've never actually heard of this i've only heard the reverse
My old kin had a couple of male players who would mostly make female toons because they said other players would speak more kindly to them and help them if they needed it.
I guess that comes down to men wanted to be the hero and help a girl out haha
I've never been shunned, i've had a few jokes, like i was in a fellowship and we got chatting and they were trying to guess what i looked like as a female gamer. or saying like am i a cook on lotro lol. But when it comes down to playing the game it's all pretty equal.
Jun 20 2012 12:31 PM #10
Besides, eventually I'll need something to pass the time in the old age home.
In voice chat.
In my natural baritone.
For some reason, they don't believe me.
Jun 20 2012 01:52 PM #11
Myself, I'm about the same age as the trilogy which was published over the course of a little more than a year from July 1954 to October 1955 (my birth date falls in the middle there somewhere). I first read The Hobbit and then the Lord of the Rings trilogy as an adolescent way back in the mid-to-late 1960s.
By the way, I'm a guy. I regularly play one character in every class. Three of them are female -- my Lore Master, my Hunter, and my Warden. I do notice they tend to get better treatment from some (but definitely not all) players. When kids try to flirt, I generally let them know right away that I'm a guy playing a female character. They frequently take off then, embarrassed. Few stick around after that.
Personally, I try to treat everyone the same whether the player behind the character is male, female, or (usually) I don't know. I actually have a couple of people on my friends list whose gender I'm unsure of. I personally believe that it's pretty much impossible to figure out the gender of the player by how they play the game. That's been my experience anyway.
But, I will say this. A higher number of female players (LOTRO has one of the highest, I believe) tends to have an overall (in my opinion, positive) effect on the mood and general atmosphere of the game.
So, you girls keep on rockin' the way you do!
Last edited by Mandli; Jun 20 2012 at 01:59 PM.
Jun 20 2012 02:12 PM #12
Well, from an article I read in a Danish newspaper a couple of months ago the average computer gamer is 37 years old.
42% of the players are female and nearly a third are over 50 years old.
(for anyone interested http://jyllands-posten.dk/digitalt/c...cle4649397.ece)
So, gaming isn't a guys thing no more
(I'm pretty average; 38 yo and female)
Jun 20 2012 03:04 PM #13
I guess I'm much less surprised if you throw in games like the wildly popular "Angry Birds," etc. I think those statistics probably make sense then.
But still, I think it's a positive trend, and as an "old gamer from way back" I'm happy to see it.
Jun 20 2012 10:45 PM #14
In any case, interesting to see that *particular* newspaper get mentioned in a thread, as I only previously knew about it (and supported them) from printing a special set of editorial cartoons (whose topic is WAY out of bounds for this Forum, let alone this thread).
--W. H. Heydt
Old Used Programmer
Jun 20 2012 02:46 PM #15
Another female gamer here. LotRO has on the whole been welcoming in terms of gendered discourse for me (or rather, it's been a non-issue most of the time), while looking back at my stint of playing WoW is making me shudder. Logging on to a ton of lewd/rude messages after telling a handful of players for days on end was not a very auspicious start (I was new to game mechanics, and failed to report or block them) so I eventually left.
While LotRO may be an exception (and I'm so glad it is - Tolkien's world is so problematic with gender roles, I would have hated to find the same thing in game, but the community being more mature helps a lot), but the advice the OP got still is sound for a lot of other games if you want to play in peace. Just look at the recent case of Anita Sarkeesian who *le gasp* opened a kickstarter campaign to talk critically about tropes applying to female characters in video games. The torrent of abuse she got was absolutely horrifying. She has a media roundup on her site:
There also are sites that outline what female gamers still have to put up with every day:
In terms of harrassment it really doesn't matter to me what kind of comments they are, whether it's the "i wanna c ur [insert female anatomy of choice]" or "I hope you get [illness/violence]" or a guy stalking you through Bree while alternating kiss and slap emotes, or others. None of it is okay, full stop. And it needs discussion, because without raising awareness it's never going to go away. +rep for starting this thread.
Jun 20 2012 03:18 PM #16
Hang in there. Remember, most of us (even most of us guys) support your being here and would love to interact with you in an adult manner.
Jun 20 2012 04:44 PM #17
My current Kin-leader is female, as are a good portion of its members. Can't say I've witnessed any derogatory comments firsthand, LOTRO generally seems pretty decent in that regard.
I also have certain issues with the way she has presented her arguments, as it seems to have become an us vs them thing rather than having gamers come together to better things for everyone.
That said, we definitely have some way to go before gaming in itself can be considered gender-balanced.Morlenil Barkolomew Turmuz Shurz Gruubluk
Jun 20 2012 06:28 PM #18
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18280000 - which also gives links to the excellent blogs you mentioned
As you say, raising awareness is vital if this is ever to be dealt with - both at grassroots by us gamers OR by the companies that make the games.
Jun 21 2012 12:08 AM #19
even in the shooter games usually the worst I would hear was "your a girl? cool wish my mom/girlfriend/wife/ played" but it could be that fact I am usually playing with my husband and/or son
but I can't even play uno on the Xbox without someone demanding I turn my camera on
I do have a cute story where a random guy we were playing with decided to come to the defense of female gamers
my husband and I were playing l4d and like usual hubby would refer to me a sweetheart when we play like he dose in all things, you know "sweetheart behind you!" "sweetheart I am down!" things of that nature, when some guy comes in and after listening to this for a bit, says "dude just because she is female dose not give you the right to call her sweetheart, guys like you are the reason there aren't more female gamers!"
By this time my husband is laughing so hard he can't say anything, so I reply it's ok, he is my husband and he has not called me my name in 13 years, I don't think he even remembers it. in fact I have thought about changing my gamer tag to sweetheart, honey, or mom for a while now,
poor guy was so embarrassed, but he kept playing and he still will join our games whenever we are online, only now he calls me sweetheart as well
Last edited by techknowrat; Jun 21 2012 at 12:15 AM.
Jun 20 2012 05:45 AM #20
"ages ago" (before LotRo) this was close to true.
both WoW and EQ had their female gamers, and that sort of broke the old molds of guys only.
one of the old sayings online was, "guys are guys, girls are guys, and kids are cops"...
LotRo has never been a place where any of that applies, thankfully.
there are 3 reasons for it NOT applying anymore (at the very least not HERE).
1. The story and community. This is a set of novels, not a game to begin with. The fan base, male and female, was already there. We all love the world, and most act pretty appropriately to being in it.
2. Entire families enjoy the game, from very young ages to nearly as old as the books are.
3. The much increased use of voice chat communication for kins/raids/fellows has severely reduced any misconception that there are not any girl gamers out there.
The advice given to you was well-meaning, but outdated except as a caution such as you would give anyone meeting strangers.
Last edited by Pdt_the_Confused; Jun 20 2012 at 05:49 AM.----------| | | Whitestar Rangers | | |-------------------------| | | Four Horse men of the aPUGalypse | | |
51 Elf Lore-Master, Finnborn | | 51 Man Champion, Finaborn ----75 Elf Lore-Master, Nolaheru | | 40 Dwarf Guardian, Breofin
- 60 Elf Hunter, Finsborn | | 60 Dwarf Guardian, Beofin -------- 65 Hobbit Minstrel, Finyborn | | 57 Elf Hunter, Finsborn
----- 55 Hobbit Minstrel, Finyborn | | 22 Elf Warden, Finuborn --------- 20 Man Captain, Findborn | |20 Elf Warden, Finuborn -----
10 Dwarf Runekeeper, Baefin -----------------------------------------------------------
Jun 20 2012 05:49 AM #21
Sounds nuts to me. Half the Kinship I'm in are female.
Jun 20 2012 05:54 AM #22
it hurts me to realize the girl ive been talking to over the last few months is actually a guy
Jun 20 2012 06:20 AM #23
I play with my girlfriend. I am almost always the leader because she hates searching for a group and having to explain tactics. She may only say one or two things during the whole raid but without fail when thursday rolls around people start IMing her asking if we are going to do a raid. When they find out she is a girl they add her to their friend list. I don't get the same IMs asking if I am going to run the raids, even though I am the one who lead them.
She even gets stuff just because she is a girl. Several times people have rolled on an item and then said they will give it to her. If she ever asks for something to be made or food or potions people go out of their way to help her. I once made a comment that we were grinding Grand Stairs for rep. After we left the instance she got mail with a bunch of rep items and the guy saying he hopes this helps. She didn't mention that she was grinding the rep, I did, but she got the rep items.
Being a girl has its advantages. Use them wisely.
Jun 25 2012 05:34 AM #24
Jun 25 2012 06:21 AM #25
Of me and my husband its usually me who organises the play and drags us about leveling but I hope I do it nicely. Unlikely, but if you're on Gilrain give me a shout I've alts of all level and I've a nice bunch of folk who could show you how much fun grouping can be
-Elodil, Shards of Narsil, Gilrain and also these guys: Elodaer/Elodii/Maendae/Samtank/Elodin/Elodae (i have to have all the crafts lol)
Last edited by Maendae; Jun 25 2012 at 06:23 AM. Reason: Noobiness
Jun 25 2012 10:15 AM #26
I play on ridder mainly but just rolled on Elendilmir so if anyone knows a good, mature kin, let me know.
Jun 25 2012 07:20 AM #27
I play with my sweetie as well, and while he's wonderful, playing as a couple does have its challenges! I'm the more easily frustrated one in a raiding situation; he's a bit more laid back and willing to experiment, and he doesn't get quite as crazy as I do when people don't do what they're supposed to. That's why he's my favorite raid leader But there are plenty of times when we go on our own adventures so that we don't drive each other crazy--I think that's important.
But the main point here is that everyone is diferent and takes a different approach to the game, and your approach is NOT wrong! This game is specifically designed to allow people to take their time and enjoy the journey; in fact, that is what keeps their paying customers around so long. Quest text follows (usually) good storylines and is meant to be read and enjoyed. The landscape is there for us to explore. And there is even a title for those of us who fall off cliffs! Just because some people enjoy racing through (and that's a valid play style too), doesn't mean we all have to.
So get out there, find some friends who share your playstyle (I guarantee there are lots), and have fun!Share the journey of Tuiliel and Eluridan at http://my.lotro.com/user-1027520 before the community site blogs disappear
Jun 25 2012 08:41 AM #28
Thank you for adhering to the community guidelines when posting in the forums.
Jun 25 2012 01:24 PM #29
I know that I'm really lucky as my dh (darling husband) is an inveterate gamer too - born of tabletop gaming, same as me. He's great fun to play in group with, not an in-game jerk at all. He's also very tolerant of having a wife who enjoys everything in this game from the 'fluff' to endgame raiding, even when that means I'm being antisocial and not chatting to him while playing in the same room as him lol
Jun 25 2012 01:33 PM #30Eruanne - Shards of Narsil - Elendilmir
Jun 25 2012 03:59 PM #31
Have we really gone to the point of deletion of comments? Re: bastardoGrande taking offense at the evolutionary behavioural explanation upthread, which I commented on. I'm sorry if I insulted someone so badly they felt it needed reporting - that was not my intention at all, and it would be awesome if we could continue our discussion civilly here.
My apologies for the slight off-topic.
Jun 26 2012 03:07 AM #32
Off topic question for you girls. Why do you insist on dragging us guys to see a chick flick? My wife drives me nuts with that. Just picture Nymphonic checking his watch every 30 seconds.Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming "WOW, what a ride!"
Civ II rules after all these years......
Jun 26 2012 03:28 AM #33
Jun 26 2012 06:56 AM #34Share the journey of Tuiliel and Eluridan at http://my.lotro.com/user-1027520 before the community site blogs disappear
Jun 27 2012 05:22 PM #35
Jul 03 2012 06:20 AM #36
Jun 20 2012 06:26 AM #37
Jun 20 2012 11:00 AM #38
Jun 20 2012 11:06 AM #39
Jun 20 2012 11:14 AM #40
Never had a problem in this game or any other. Never been harrassed or skeeved out. Never been given anything, either. No special treatment, for better or worse, which is just as it should be. I did once have a person here, with whom I thought I got along just fine, accuse me of lying about being female. I was more irritated at being accused of lying than of anything else.
Back in the day, being a female gamer in pen and paper games did make one a rather rare bird. I've had some amusing things happen back in the 1980s, but even then I wasn't the only woman at the gaming table. These days it's no big deal. I'd say half my MMO friends are female.