Thread: Why is everyone so unfriendly?

Every time I send someone a PM is they wanna group up or something, they always ignore me!
Even when I do group up, I'll say "Hey", and NOBODY ever replies back!

I'm sick of this, I havent made one good friend on here yet

If you're looking for a more social aspect, try looking for Kins on your server that are recruiting. Finding a nice social Kin will help a lot with everything from having people around who can answer questions, to grouping for instances/raids, to just chatting while you travel Middle-Earth. Each server has a forum section specifically for finding/advertising Kins and I'd start there

I have to say though, I've played several MMORPGs in the last 10 yrs and this is, by far, the friendliest community I've ever encountered. I've had random strangers mail me healing pots (intentionally, I asked!), offer help with difficult quests (just because they saw me when they were galloping by) and answer some of my gear/stat questions when I first started. They really are wonderful people around here!

Could be the general attitude of the server you're on. People are like this but not everybody is. I for one will almost always answer to a group request as long as they send a message first. I hate random invites from strangers with no message. I'm pretty much a soloist so I haven't experienced getting ignored but I have been in a few groups where nobody talked nor would they respond when I talked, it's really strange. I've even left groups because of that. Keep trying, there are some very nice people out there and eventually you'll meet some.

Originally Posted by Memorexia

Every time I send someone a PM is they wanna group up or something, they always ignore me!
Even when I do group up, I'll say "Hey", and NOBODY ever replies back!

I'm sick of this, I havent made one good friend on here yet

For the record, not everyone is like that. I always reply if someone sends me a tell. I don't always want to group up with people, but I at least say hello and politely decline if someone asks and I'm just not in the mood.
So don't let it discourage you too much.

well I know you never PM'd me, I always reply back, but I had changed the Tell Text color, so it stands out. So I don't miss seeing a PM to me
I would had a reply "no thanks, and thank you for asking first", It's because I'm a Introvert . . huMMmmm . .an Introvert playing a MMO .. that falls into the Oxymoron category doesn't it not

Fellowship invite without a word to me beforehand?

Unless we are both trying to kill a quest boss and its obvious that's what you want it for...flat refusal. I consider group (and kin) invites without the courtesy of a tell to be very rude.

Ignoring a tell? I try not to. Sometimes I do miss one because I am afk when the little bell goes off or because I am in the middle of something that prevents me from responding for a few minutes (and then I forget).

My experience is most folks are pretty considerate about answering tells.

I play with the sound off, and I normally miss tells until I spot them half an hour later.

No discourtesy ever intended, but I find them easy to overlook.

There are several issues:

1) The player may have set the "Throw away all incoming personal tells from non kin and non friends" flag. They will not respond because they never saw your personal tell. You will not be informed if the tell is thrown away.

2) The player may be AFK.

3) Personal tells go in a special tab on in my client. It is possible for one to arrive. I miss it.

4) I could be busy. Have no spare capacity to respond to you. I get a personal tell while on Skype with my daughter. Chatting with someone else or kin. You get ignored.

5) You have sent a tell to someone that is a soloer. Someone that is playing a Single Player Online Game. This customers are not going to respond.

6) You have sent a tell to someone that is part of closed group. For example, husband and wife. The are in different cities. The game is their personal time together. They can not touch each other. Look at each other. Can't have meals together. They want do something together. Other than talk in Skype. They may be lke a friend of mine. The only thing he could use was Lotro and voice Skype. They gamed together since they could do something together while talking.

Each person that plays this game has their own goals and objectives. It can be very hard to find someone that has a goal that is compatible with your objectives. Often people ask me to group. The only purpose of this group is for me to be a human controlled companion for this person. I get nothing out of it. I will help friends or kin in this situation but not someone I don't know. You got to earn Yula faction points and build your reputation standing to get help from me.

IMHO - You are better off trying to find a kinship or people that you can help. Once you have made a friend by helping them. They are more inclined to help you back. Sending Tantalus a tell like - Help me do Great Barrows Maze at level 30 - I do not know this person - never talked to him before - you not going to get very far. A blind invite is likely to get you added to the ignore list. Or you will find the invite times out. You try again. You find that Tantalus is no longer accepting fellowship requests.

In summary, most online games in 2012 are not Massive Multiplayer Online Grouping Games. The games are heavily populated by soloers or fixed groups husbands and wives. Often the groupers are doing group activities with their buddies. Most grouping occurs at the higher levels especially level capped characters.

Trying to form a group or make friends in online games. It often reminds of trying to group up in real life in a crowded situation like party, bar or after work gathering with folks you do not know. At least in real life it is easier to tell when someone is not available - already in a two person group - small group - busy doing solo activity - or out of commision napping or something. You go solo to some place like South Florida Fair. You try to group up with someone that you do not know at the Fair. You can spend a lot of time getting rejections from what look like solo females.

I also think having a purpose to the tell helps. Someone that PM's me out of the blue and starts chatting away? My initial reaction is usually..."Um, do I know you?" Someone that PMs with a specific question will likely get an answer if I know it and that sometimes turns into a nice conversation.

AN Example
Yesterday I needed to get my level 17 hunter to Rivendell to do scholar quests. Following some advice on the Scholar forums I asked in LFF if there was any kind hunter out there who be willing to help me get to Rivendell. A very nic man (assumption based on character and no other knowledge) answered and proceeded to port me to ost garuth and then run with me on horseback all the way to Rivendell (he was level 34). We had a bit of chat at the end and he offered to answer any questions I had later. I added him to friends. It was an overall very pleasant exchange and I cannot deny he went out of his way to help me as that was one long ride. He even refused payment for his trouble.

There are friendly folks out there.

I have to say that a majority of the people playing are friendly. I would also suggest looking for a good kin, and that doesn't necessarily mean a large one, that plays around the same time you are on. Look at the kin forums under your server.

As far as grouping, I would first suggest (beside Kin) putting something in the LFF channel. If someone is not currently on that quest they could be close and you both could work together. I know I don't group with the intent of making friends, though I have made a few that way, so be patient with people. Some enjoy soloing, sometimes I prefer this just to "get away." Just make sure you don't spam the channel, you definitely won't get any help that way

It may also help putting what server you're on, someone may read this thread and add you as a friend to help. There are a LOT of nice players on Silverlode anyway.

Let me tell you a story about what happens with me when I'm out and about in the world.

When I log in, I usually have a plan. There is stuff I want to get done. After that, I go over my quest logs and decide where I want to head and what quests I want to do. I monitor public chat to see if there is anyone doing some group content I am interested in... but unless it is a weekend and I can stay up late, as soon as 11pm Eastern comes around, I'm no longer interested in grouping.

If I am on a very low-level alt (under level 20) my goal may be to achieve some levels. Under level 20 the content is so easy and quick that grouping up actually slows you down. So I'm not particularly interested in grouping, but if someone is in the same area killing the same stuff, I might group up.

When you send me a tell of "Hi", I'm not likely to respond. Or I'll respond with "do I know you?" At this point, you are rudely interrupting me. Think of it this way: you're walking down the street trying to get to the bank, then the dry cleaner's, and then return your library books. Some total stranger says "hi" to you. Maybe you'll say "hi" and keep walking... but you're not going to stop and have a conversation! Why should you?

It's different when I meet someone out in the field clearly looking to complete the same quests I am working. We have something to share. If you send me a /tell that says "Hi, would you like to group up to kill some bears and boars for quests?" I'm likely to reply with a fellowship request. We have something to share and accomplish together.

Summary:
This is not a bar or a chat room. You're not going to meet people by attempting to engage them in idle chit-chat. HOWEVER, you might meet some fun and friendly folks by:

• Asking a question in /advice
• Bringing up a topic in /ooc or /regional
• Asking in /lff for help with a SPECIFIC group quest or particularly difficult quest
• Sending a /tell to someone complimenting them on a particularly cool mount or piece of equipment

Try saying something more interesting than "Hey!" and I think you'll find more friends.

I generally never sent tells to a random person unless they advertise for a group on a channel
If I want help or to quest with someone, I'd just use a chat channel or go to my kin
Now, I don't know about other people, but most times, if someone says hi, I'll respond and have a nice conversation with you, if you ask nicely, i might even join a fellow with you and help you... It just depends on the person you tell and if they're doing something important. Sometimes i'm also just killing a mob with the sound turned does so i don't know you telled me for a while until im done and finish my quest.

To Memorexia...
I never like seeing these posts, but sure it happens. And may happen for a while to come. It really is hit and miss. But I think I can speak for many, many people that there are times during your journey up to level 75 (and it can be a loooong one, depending how you play) that you need help and players will help, no judgement, no expectations, just happen to be in the right place at the right time and it goes very nicely.

As others have suggestions Kinships, as long as you don't demand or make promises to a new Kinship you join, you are free to play for a while with a Kinship and after a while if it doesn't suit you, you can leave. There is a Leave Kinship button available at all times.

This happens with PUGS (pick up groups). Folks will be surprised that they need a group and jump into a pug which turns sour. They feel put out by the whole process, but there comes a time when you are working on a quest and see others doing the same thing, you ask if they want to work together and it works. You spend all night doing great things together!

Don't despair, we all have probably felt this way at some point.

Cheers.

well this post has hit a note with me so I feel that I should reply. I am new to LotRO and MMO's in general so the idea of questing with someone is a little daunting on one hand and something new and Challenging on the other.

Just last night I was on quest and got a fellowship request in the heat of combat, I just closed the text box and it came up as denied on the chat channel. I felt bad I would have got back to the person and explained what I was doing and try to start a dialog with the player if I would have been /telled first because I would be able to scroll back and get the name and /r . I agree with some of the posts above that a random invite from someone I don't know is strange because I have no idea what quest you are on or in what part of the zone you are in. I think the /tell first is better so we can exchange info on class and whatnot. Funny I only get invites when I am busy never when I am in between quests or at one of the many watering holes. So for me I just close the box because that goblin is in my face. Sometimes I see someone else fighting the mobs I just help out cause it's fun and after the round is done I will say hello or something to the other player and that has worked, example...

" hello friend you on a goblin slayer too? If you want I could tag along and help it go smooth, you get the kills." we always have fun and mostly we end up doing something else in the area together for a little and then go are separate ways. This has been great for me because I am new to MMo's and play mostly solo adventure games Zelda, Skyrim etc. I think my worst fear is to be invited and then end up to be a poor coop player or let someone down. I don't think I am alone in this thinking. so keep this in mind also...

Mostly the player base on LotRO has been helpful and open to us new players, and there are more everyday since the Steam launch, so maybe try out the /tell<player name> next time say hay and I need help with..., then the fellowship invite, at least the other player will be expecting it and may be ready to team up.

If nothing else try a different server, the two I play on are much different. hope you find some friends.
good luck and look me up if you get the notion.

Lots of us are really the most friendly people you could ever wish for.

You just have to look.

Love & Hugs

Fluffy Hithy

If you are in the starter areas and sending tells, its possible that they are new players who haven't figured out how to use the chat functions yet. It's not very clear how to use the channels to players if its their first mmo.

Have to agree with most of the other posts on this thread. If you send me a /tell, I will try to respond back, if I see it. Blind /fellow invites are usually ignored, unless I can see the person nearby and they are obviously working on the same quest line. Then, I might accept.

Originally Posted by Yula_the_Mighty

5) You have sent a tell to someone that is a soloer. Someone that is playing a Single Player Online Game. This customers are not going to respond.

C'mon Yula. Kinda stereotyping there aren't ya? I'm a die-hard soloer but every once in a while I'll group up and have been known to go so far as joining (or starting) a Kin/guild. No, I'm NOT playing an SPOG, I'm playing an MMOG solo. I still stop and chat with others, enjoy a fellowship every now and then, or just enjoy watching others go about their adventures.

And I do respond to every tell that I receive. I once missed one while I was in the heat of battle and didn't realize it until about an hour later. I saw that the sender was still online so I sent a tell apologizing for not replying and explained why. He was kinda surprised that I had bothered and we had a long chat. Now any time either of us is online, we say hello and chat for awhile even though we've never grouped.

I even have people continuously trying to recruit some of my various alts to their Kinships because I always answer a tell politely even if it's interrupting what I'm doing, and quite often a dialog ensues about one thing or another.

To the OP... not everyone is like that, but when sending a tell to someone, especially when you are looking for a fellowship, remember that someone standing at an auctioneer or in a crafting hall or in the Vault is usually NOT looking to join a group and some may be so engrossed in what they are doing that the tell will go unnoticed or ignored unless you are asking a question or commenting about that unusual cloak, etc. And as others have pointed out, the best way to get help and find a social atmosphere is to join a Kinship. Good luck to ya.

Originally Posted by Umbrarg

Lots of us are really the most friendly people you could ever wish for.

You just have to carry bacon.

Love & Hugs

Fluffy Hithy

Fixed for you.


PS: Wargs are just in it for the bacon. Do not trust a hope!

Originally Posted by Memorexia

Every time I send someone a PM is they wanna group up or something, they always ignore me!
Even when I do group up, I'll say "Hey", and NOBODY ever replies back!

I'm sick of this, I havent made one good friend on here yet

Hmm. Number of options:

1) you are sending tells to people who won't ever answer. I let one of my kids play, don't let him answer tells from strangers though.

2) you are sending tells to people who are busy. I sometimes am doing something engrossing (pvp, difficult fight, whatever), and don't notice tells. In which case it is nothing personal

3) people don't like your tells. Maybe you write them in a way that puts people off somehow? If someone sends me a tell written like "wanna group up plz lol", I'm inclined to guess I don't want to group with them based on perceived maturity level. I'd answer politely anyway though (but would add them to ignore if they kept pestering me anyway).

You likely won't make good friends sending tells to random strangers IMHO. Maybe you can find a kin of like-minded folks. I have casual relationships with many people in the game outside the kin, but get to know people in my kin lots better...

This is far from my first mmo and I still can't figure the chat out. There is just so much #### running through it that I just ignore the chat. It seems 95% of the stuff in the chat window is not chat. I think there needs to be some way to turn it all off except for actual player chat. I've tried turning more and more off in the chat but it is still full of every action I take, every piece of loot I pick up, blow by blows for every fight I am in, and every phrase by every NPC I walk by. Like I said there is so much scrolling through the chat that I gave up trying to read it.

not everyone are unfriendly...most of them are to busy to talk to you true...some just dont figure how to use properly the chat...some are to selfish to be seen with you or think your not worthy of their times(it sad but this are some attitude comonly found in high level player)...or maybe it the server you use...but my advice is stay cool...it free to play up to lvl 75 and you dont need help for everythink in games but sure good idea to find an kinship they will be friendly with you some would probably go out there with you ^^

From personal experience, I will say that I don't respond to fellowship invites when someone doesn't send me a tell first. It's like asking someone out on a date before saying hello, ya know?

Most of the time, I'm not one to join-up with folks. I'm a predominately solo player and if I group, it's with my husband. My rational - I don't want you to die and have it be my fault. If I inadvertently let my husband's toon die - no biggie. So really, I'm saving you some dread in the long run!

I've actually had numerous conversations with folks on Nimrodel. Usually started with comments on my kin name (Game of Thrones on HBO has made my kin name much more well known) and we start chatting from there. Folks seem pretty friendly overall.

And if you send me a tell - for whatever reason - I'll respond. If I'm in the middle of something, it may take a few minute, but I scroll back and respond almost all the time. I actually like chatting with folks - there are lots of interesting people on LOTRO. As I become a more confident player - I may even start to fellowship with folks other than my husband and friends - just make an intro first.

Keep trying - folks here are a nice friendly bunch by in large. Maybe joining kin is a good next move?!?

Originally Posted by Aethniniel

Originally Posted by Umbrarg

Lots of us are really the most friendly people you could ever wish for.

You just have to carry bacon.

Love & Hugs

Fluffy Hithy

Fixed for you.


PS: Wargs are just in it for the bacon. Do not trust a hope!

Actually, wargs are only in YOU for YOUR bacon.

All dogs love bacon. Wargs simply prefer the pork belly from the long pig.

Originally Posted by manstan

This is far from my first mmo and I still can't figure the chat out. There is just so much #### running through it that I just ignore the chat. It seems 95% of the stuff in the chat window is not chat. I think there needs to be some way to turn it all off except for actual player chat. I've tried turning more and more off in the chat but it is still full of every action I take, every piece of loot I pick up, blow by blows for every fight I am in, and every phrase by every NPC I walk by. Like I said there is so much scrolling through the chat that I gave up trying to read it.

Think of chat in terms of CHANNELS. Your General tab is set up to receive stuff from a LOT of different channels... but it doesn't have to. You can turn off some of that junque and have it show up only on your Combat tab.

I have added a new tab called Personal, and direct it to show only /tell, /kinship, /fellowship, and /raid chat. It helps me catch up if/when I miss something. I have another one just for /glff , which is the public world-wide chat channel on Riddermark.

Right-click on the General tab and you'll see a whole lot of settings... including a list of all the channels that it is showing chat from.

From my opinion and many others, sending a random tell to someone asking to group up is usually considered rude. It may depend on the server though. Always ask in /LFF or regional chat first. If you send tells after advertising in chat then it just sends a signal that you're desperate.

Also note that many players want to solo things. Grouping is not necessarily more fun for everyone and it slows things down. Especially at lower levels. If the person you sent a tell to is not on the same quests you are there's not much reason to group up. This game just does not have a lot of group content at lower levels and the player base generally does not group up to kill things without a reason.

If you do see someone that appears to be doing exactly the same quest as you, and it's something that would be easier with two, then it may help to use /say. Ie, if you're both waiting for the same boss to spawn for a quest.