Thread: Leaving a kinship

Been in a kin for less than a month.....no activity. None whatsoever. No leveling groups....crafting groups....events planned...nada.

I won't get into details, but I think I'm just disappointed and need to move on.

Is this typical? Do many people shop around for kinships....by joining temporarily to see what it's like....and then exiting if it's not their fit?

Please share. I know I'm not the only one. Thanks..

And finally, can you guys share experiences that would help me relate?

well as a kin leader there is only so much you can do, you can offer all the help to other players and offer to run raids, quests, events etc but if nobody wants to join what are you going to do?
its even worse when it comes to kinship activity, unless you kick inactive players monthly\daily\weekly you will have inactive members but youve also got to weigh up that most of the players in lotro have real lives to live and have familiys or work or other commitments that are more important

How often does a new player go through kinships?
I don't want to appear like a kinship-hopper, but I'm pretty off-put by the lack of activity in mine. It's not changing, so I feel I must go.

some players go through kinships more frequenetly then they change their underwear
in short if your not happy with your kin leave, most people leave without saying a word but if your leaiving because your unhappy or to join a friends kin or even to find out what else is out there its polite to tell the leader or the person who recruited you

if you feel bad about leaving the kin speak to the leader and inform them and let them know your concerns and why your leaving

or just leave like most people do and hope nobody notices the message that X has left the the kinship

It's time to get out. How do I do it?

when or if you feel its time to leave your kin open your social pannel (default key O), select the kin tab and click leave\quit kinship

I've been in many kins on various servers. Some work. Some don't. You have to find the one that works for you, and that isn't always the first kin you join.

I've ended up being part of several inactive kins. Usually it seems it's created by some new player that has some grand idea for a kin, recruiting who they can. In a month or two they stop playing, real life getting in the way of playing regularly or just losing interest in the game. With no leader, a kin will rapidly fall apart. Nobody recruits, other players stop playing for whatever reason, and the next thing you know you're the only one online.

Well established kins are usually the better bet for reliable activities. They might not always be posting advertisements in areas, but if you ask around you can find an officer that will recruit you.

Above all what is important is if you aren't happy in your current kin then leave. If you don't it will just ruin your enjoyment of the game as a whole. You do not have to feel guilty. As the previous poster said, send a message if you want to let the kin know why you are leaving. Any kin mates you've been playing with you can still add to your friends list and meet up for questing, etc.

I've been in multiple kinships since I started LOTRO and I just wonder if you may expect something you'd found in other games, but not here. "Leveling groups....crafting groups....events planned" - they mostly don't exists here, sure weren't in the Kins I've been in, and I haven't ever heard of other kins doing this either. When you're a Kinship, you have a separate chat channel for your kinmates, you have a house to store things for common usage, maybe craft some things for each other, IF you're a raiding kin you plan raids on a regular basis and if not, just run some instances now and then. VERY few kins plan events, and those are usually found on Roleplaying servers, leveling in groups is actually less efficient, so people only do it with their significant other and crafting groups... I got no idea how that would work at all.

Originally Posted by Malachi108

I've been in multiple kinships since I started LOTRO and I just wonder if you may expect something you'd found in other games, but not here. "Leveling groups....crafting groups....events planned" - they mostly don't exists here, sure weren't in the Kins I've been in, and I haven't ever heard of other kins doing this either. When you're a Kinship, you have a separate chat channel for your kinmates, you have a house to store things for common usage, maybe craft some things for each other, IF you're a raiding kin you plan raids on a regular basis and if not, just run some instances now and then. VERY few kins plan events, and those are usually found on Roleplaying servers, leveling in groups is actually less efficient, so people only do it with their significant other and crafting groups... I got no idea how that would work at all.

I don't know how rare these types of kins are, but the ones I've settled on tend to do organise events.

On one server, the kin I am does high level instances on a daily basis, but as members of all levels are recruited, quite often there are impromptu GBs and skirmishes for low levels. Other kins use websites with calendars to organise the more irregular events.

I am in another kin on another server that do random casual events, like meeting at the kin house for fun and games, races, drinks, pipeweed and general messing around. Sometimes these are to celebrate a birthday or something, and sometimes it's just because people are bored.

In all kins I'm in there are some form of crafting sharing. People can share mats, or ask someone to craft items for them. Depending on the kin and item requested that can be done for free or for providing mats/money.

And any kin I would expect that people would be willing to help someone with quests at least if they are hard, though maybe not always if it's just to help them level. You could argue you get less XP per person in a fellowship, but it's faster going with more people so you get more done.

But all kins are different. Know what you want from your kin and don't stop until you find it!

Ideally, I'd recommend you ask questions and do a bit of homework before joining a kin.

Then, if things aren't what you expected, its very plain to understand why you feel the need to leave.

Either way, if its not a good fit, it doesn't make sense to stay. I would simply recommend saying goodbye, and letting someone know you are moving on. Blind dropping from a kin isn't a great way to leave.

If you are "shopping" by joining... I'd also recommend making that known when you join. Its a given that you will leave if its not a good fit, especially early on when you are learning the ropes. but if you are kin hopping to find a good fit, this may be more rare.

The fact that you were concerned enough to post a thread about it on the community boards tells me that you are considerate enough to handle it properly.
No, you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with joining a kinship with the honest intent to be a good kinship member only to find that it is not a good fit.

As others have suggested and as a kinship leader myself, I would certainly appreciate the player sending me a private /tell and voicing their concerns. This has the benefit of allowing the kinship leader to understand possible problems within the kinship, and the player gets some feedback regarding the problem. It's possible that the problem is temporary (a significant number of members are AFK for a few weeks, half of our members link in through a college network that has been down, etc.), and this would give you feedback to evaluate what you intent to do.

It can be difficult to find a kinship that matches up perfectly with your own play style and preferences. Consider those elements that are most important to you and be prepared to compromise a little if you find a group of players that you really like, but don't match up exactly with what you are looking for. Kinships IMO are more social groups than 'task' groups. With a group of players that you genuinely enjoy being with, you can have a good time sometimes just exchanging banter on the /kinship channel.

Lastly, communication is very important. I have found that the best kinships that I have been involved with have been those that maintain open communications, have members that genuinely enjoy being online together (yeah, there will be some kin members that you like less than others, but everyone should at least 'get along'), and have clear leadership paths.

I wish you well and hope you resolve your kinship concerns soon. As long as you handle it in a mature manner I am sure things will work out for you, either with your present kinship or with a different group that you can feel comfortable with.

P.S. Just the manner in which you have presented yourself leads me to feel you would be a good kinship member...

Many kins will take anyone, and unsurprisingly they then end a kin with a bunch of "just anyones".

I was leary of joining any kin for all the reasons you listed and more, and then found one that had a 2-week ''probationary'' period, where they looked at me and I at them. This made them stand out to my eyes, and I haven't looked back since - it's been great. No reason you can't be pro-active and make that part of your application - any kin that balks at the notion that you'd be selective and have expectations probably isn't one you'd want to join anyway.

C-Hound matches pretty much what I require on new people coming into my Kin. First off you will never see a spam request to join our Kin. If you are recommended or have heard of us and come looking - that is a good sign. All new people get a 5 - 15 minute explanation of who we are and what we do. If interested - they spend 2 weeks as recruits (more if logging is slow). After that we chat again to ensure what they have seen/heard/experienced is what they are looking for. Also lets us judge if they are a good fit for us. If all is good I ask if they want full membership.

Not to say all are 100% happy or there isn't some little drama here and there, but by and large, we have a good solid and happy membership.

If your unhappy, they are not what you want in the game - I would say move on. Too many Kins out there that might make your gameplay more enjoyable.

Originally Posted by OshyKoshy

Is this typical? Do many people shop around for kinships....by joining temporarily to see what it's like....and then exiting if it's not their fit?

When you join a kinship you should know something about them first. Responding to recruiting from in-game chat rarely works well. Trouble is all kinships are different, you can't expect that a random one will be one that you like. Some people actually like the "we don't do anything" kinships.

Best bet is to head to the forums here for your server, which will have a sub-forum for kinships. These will contain posts of people recruiting as people looking for kinships. Even if a kinship post listed there is old that does not mean they're not recruiting, just contact them in game after deciding that they sound like what you want. If you post that you want to join you need to include some idea of what you want: And avoid vague descriptions like "active kinship".

I appreciate your feedback, Dunford, as well as the other responses which I will try to answer.

I think the problems in my former kin were not temporary. Players rarely said hello when they logged in. There was absolutely no communication with the kin members on kinchat....as if everyone just wanted to do their own thing and ignore everybody else online. No one really wanted to socialize, and I sensed a severe lack of direction about event planning. I could have sworn that I was also ignored by a few kin members because I was trying to engage in conversation. It's a pretty depressing environment to be in.....when you're just there to maintain the status quo.

The type of kin I'm looking for involves crafting, primarily. This really does help members communicate with each other, and offer feedback during trading. I'm a dedicated player, mostly playing on weekdays after work, but not on weekends. I also willingly share craft items with others if they require it. I completely understand that some kins aren't for tasking, but it helps me to define what I need and make it clear to the kin before I join. I solo most of my Middle Earth journey anyways, so leveling with kinfolk isn't a big deal. I just want a kinship that offers some core crafting trade, and the cherry ontop would be a lively kinchat with people who actually like conversing with each other.....(not going anonymous when a more talkative kin member is online....and this I have been witness to, unfortunately).

In summary, the kinship I was in had recruited many members who prefer to be left alone, and didn't want to be involved in the least.

Originally Posted by Dunford

The fact that you were concerned enough to post a thread about it on the community boards tells me that you are considerate enough to handle it properly.
No, you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with joining a kinship with the honest intent to be a good kinship member only to find that it is not a good fit.

As others have suggested and as a kinship leader myself, I would certainly appreciate the player sending me a private /tell and voicing their concerns. This has the benefit of allowing the kinship leader to understand possible problems within the kinship, and the player gets some feedback regarding the problem. It's possible that the problem is temporary (a significant number of members are AFK for a few weeks, half of our members link in through a college network that has been down, etc.), and this would give you feedback to evaluate what you intent to do.

It can be difficult to find a kinship that matches up perfectly with your own play style and preferences. Consider those elements that are most important to you and be prepared to compromise a little if you find a group of players that you really like, but don't match up exactly with what you are looking for. Kinships IMO are more social groups than 'task' groups. With a group of players that you genuinely enjoy being with, you can have a good time sometimes just exchanging banter on the /kinship channel.

Lastly, communication is very important. I have found that the best kinships that I have been involved with have been those that maintain open communications, have members that genuinely enjoy being online together (yeah, there will be some kin members that you like less than others, but everyone should at least 'get along'), and have clear leadership paths.

I wish you well and hope you resolve your kinship concerns soon. As long as you handle it in a mature manner I am sure things will work out for you, either with your present kinship or with a different group that you can feel comfortable with.

P.S. Just the manner in which you have presented yourself leads me to feel you would be a good kinship member...

I appreciate this, C-Hound.

You're right on the money. I dont think I did enough searching before I joined. I admit I was naive with it all, but hey, a noob can be entitled to that....lol.

I like the idea of a 2-week probationary period. I obviously want to present myself in the best possible light to a new kinship, and I won't expect anything less from the new kin. Like another poster has mentioned, I will advise the new kin that I am shopping around for kinships before I make my choice. I hope one day that I find a kin I like, and hopefully soon.

Originally Posted by C-Hound

Many kins will take anyone, and unsurprisingly they then end a kin with a bunch of "just anyones".

I was leary of joining any kin for all the reasons you listed and more, and then found one that had a 2-week ''probationary'' period, where they looked at me and I at them. This made them stand out to my eyes, and I haven't looked back since - it's been great. No reason you can't be pro-active and make that part of your application - any kin that balks at the notion that you'd be selective and have expectations probably isn't one you'd want to join anyway.

Great response, Lohi. I appreciate it.

I took some time to look through the kinships on my server. There are many new up and coming kins...and there are a few older kinships. I have made my choice of three, those which suit my kinship style the most. I'll also make it clear to them what I am looking for in a kin, and what I can offer. Wish me luck. I feel like I'm trying to find a needle in a haystack sometimes...lol.

Originally Posted by Lohi

When you join a kinship you should know something about them first. Responding to recruiting from in-game chat rarely works well. Trouble is all kinships are different, you can't expect that a random one will be one that you like. Some people actually like the "we don't do anything" kinships.

Best bet is to head to the forums here for your server, which will have a sub-forum for kinships. These will contain posts of people recruiting as people looking for kinships. Even if a kinship post listed there is old that does not mean they're not recruiting, just contact them in game after deciding that they sound like what you want. If you post that you want to join you need to include some idea of what you want: And avoid vague descriptions like "active kinship".

I'm so glad there's someone who went through what I went through. I just now had to quit a certain kinship because of the lack of communication. Most of the time I felt as if I was playing on my own anyway with no communication of any kind. When I did try, I was all but ignored, which was NOT pleasant by any means. When I had a question it was ignored, which was frustrating. I did shop around with a new character I created on the same server and found a much better fit. People actually communicated, which was a very nice change. My questions were answered and the Kinship was open to multiple characters of mine being a member.

Now that I've found a Kinship I enjoy I'm going to be loyal for as long as it sticks to its ideals and remains active.

My main characters are in an all Real Life family kin. So no issues there.

I have an alternate character that I play when family is not available on another realm. She has been in 2 kins now and is seriously debating weather or not to join a third.

1st one was a flood of foul mouthed abusive children doing things like sending newbies to Rivendell to get their first horse. Um nope I was out of there.

2nd worked for several months I was even made an officer. Then I found out what the real vision for the kin its leader had and that his main character was deserting us for another server to raid. So I just couldn't in good conscience stay. The vision was pretty near opposite to my own views of what a kin should do.

Now I have been asked to another kin but I am feeling a bit gun shy and am concerned the kin leader from #2 might make drama. SO I am staying solo till I sort it out.

My point is folks need a kin that is a good fit for them. Nothing wrong with shopping for one provided you method of leaving is civil and drama free if possible.

I have been to many (6-7) kinships since i started playing...I remember that,in a period of 1-2 months, I have changed about 5 kinships.Finally, when I hit lvl 36 I joined the kinship I'm currently a member,cause that was when I met oneof their members who wanted to leave and replace himself with someone else.Since then I havent left this kin,andI continue havingfun while raiding,questing, and rping with them.

P.S It would be nice to send a mail or explain via chat to the officers or leader, the reasons you left their kinship