Thread: Three Words

With the median effectiveness of Zelboraf 8 months and the fact that I've been on it nearly 3 months, it's damn scary to look ahead.

Before the Zelboraf started to work, the disease almost took me. The way I was going and the disease was progressing, I was not going to see the end of this year. I also felt so utterly horrible, it's hard to imagine spending the last days on Earth feeling like that.

This disease is a beotch.

If anyone has read my journal via Caringbridge, you know I've been writing about my fight and what I've been going through to sort of help me deal with it and keep folks updated on what's going on.

For others who may be interested in some reading to aid you in getting to sleep and also perhaps to scare you into making sure you go to the doctor on a regular basis, even if you 'feel' fine, here is the link:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bruceandjulierosenberg

my fight is far from over, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Hi Everyone,

My intermission is over. My last scans demonstrated that my cancer has returned and has made it clear the medicine I was on has lost it's effectiveness.

I was hoping I would have gotten more mileage out of the Zelboraf, but my cancer has other plans and hopefully by now you all know my philosophy on making plans when you are fighting cancer. To reiterate for those who may have forgotten.

"You know what they say about the best laid plans: Cancer craps all over the best laid plans"

So I've got new pulmonary lung mets and bone mets that are causing pretty epic pain right now. Meds are just not cutting it, and I may have to undertake 'palliative radiation' which is when they zap my bones to kill off the pain nerves so the bone lesions don't cause me pain anymore. It doesn't treat the disease, only the symptomology of the pain.

So my Oncologist is going to switch me from Zelboraf to Yervoy and hope that will work for a time. Zelboraf was $10,000 per month....the Yervoy is $150,000 for the treatment course...don't underestimate the value of good insurance.

This is getting harder and harder to fight and maintain my sanity, but you do what you have to do, and I'm never one to give up.

Anyone who has faced me in the ettens knows that even if a raid is camping my burrow, I still try to escape because I surprise myself (and probably the raid) with being able to escape to safety more times than I thought possible. Rule one of beating the odds is to try. If you don't try to beat the odds, you don't have any chance of success. So I try to beat the odds every day and every day I am able to take a breath, I am successful in beating the odds.

Median survival of someone diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma where it has spread to the lungs and bones is 4-6 months. I was diagnosed 10 months ago.

I will not go quietly into the night. I will fight this until the bitter end, wherever that may be. My cancer isn't finished with me yet, but I'm also not done fighting. Bring it. I'm ready.

/lendstrength

Keep doing what you do, stick and move, stick and move.

You'll eventually find a chink in your opponents defense to exploit.

Sending ~~~~~~~~~~*positive vibes*~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~*times two ftw*~~~~~~~~~~~

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

william ernest henley

What a great attitude. Keep on fighting, I'm pulling for you. We all are.

I thought of this.



Ministry - All day 1985

well i`m hiding my eyes from the morning sun
and i keep on working till the work is all done
but a voice in my head keeps ticking away
as the sweat`s hosed down from yet another day
well he works hard
and he lives hard
and he breaks his back without nothing to gain
while the boss man sits around and drinks champagne

all day (you work and you work and you work and)
in life, there`s just one transition
all day (you work and you work and you work and)
in life, there`s just one decision

well i`m peeling the blisters off my working hand
is that what it takes to make you understand?
that it`s something you read, not something you meant
to be slaving away without a shred of intent
he worked hard
and he lived hard
and he broke his back without nothing to say
while the man in control was just laughing away

all day (you work and you work and you work and)
in life, there`s just one transition
all day (you work and you work and you work and)
in life, there`s just one decision

was it something you read?
was it something you meant?
was it something you said?
or was it heaven sent?

all day (you work and you work and you work and)
in life, there`s just one transition
all day (you work and you work and you work and)
in life, there`s just one decision

------
God speed.

You're are in my thoughts, Nidor. Keep fighting, brother. I think you are extremely courageous.

Praying for you dawg. It's amazing the wonders a positive attitude can work.

Hey peoples, please keep sending our friend Bruce/Nidor all the positivity you can. Here is his latest journal entry in his fight. Please remember our pixelated fights are nothing in comparison to his"

My cancer, for whatever reason, had decided to throw me a curve-ball that had not been something I've had to experience during my first 5 rounds of fighting this disease.

Pain

The pain was tolerable at first, nothing that Advil or Naproxen couldn't blunt at first and it was this back pain that first raised alarm bells that my disease may be back after having a break due to the positive response to the Zelboraf. So as I had mentioned, we went down to Mofffitt earlier than originally scheduled to see what was going on. Those scans showed the cancer had returned, but not specifically in the back, but rather it was back in my lungs. The bone lesions in my back and sacral area were 'stable' so it was a little puzzling as to what may have changed to cause the pain switch to be turned on, but I was turned on, and not in a good way. My limp started to get more exaggerated (snicker) as it became more difficult to walk and sit with my back in such pain.

I needed some relief. Chronic, unabated pain is an unholy alliance of evil that I hope to never run into again. It's ability to strip the quality of life from someone who isn't sick is amazing and that's what was happening to me. I couldn't do anything because I hurt. I hurt sitting, standing, laying on my back...you get the idea. So, the 1st step to fighting this unholy alliance was medication stronger than NSAIDs. What I didn't know was that the allies I would call upon to fight this 1st stage of the pain battle were unholy actors in their own right. Opiates.

The opiates included methadone, hydrocodone, and oxycodone. These guys are great at eliminating the pains, but they also eliminate all cognitive ability and reduce you to a sleeping drooling zombie. It was clear I couldn't continue down this path, as the pain was so great, only the most powerful opiates were taking care of my pain. I tried stretches, visiting chiropractors, using heating pads, and cold packs as ways to not have to use meds, but none of it worked. So I have traded in my quality of life by not being able to do anything due to pain to not being able to do anything due to being on narcotics.

Therefore, we consulted w/Dr. Weber, my main Onc at Moffitt and he strongly advocated for the use of Palliative Radiation to treat the localized cancer lesions on my bones in my pelvis/sacrum. This would have a twofold effect. It would hopefully eliminate the pain from the lesions as well as kill the cancer in those localized areas and allow the bone to heal. We knew the lesions could come up in other areas and that this was a treatment with a focus more on symptomology rather than curative, but I felt we had no choice. I was in a bad way, the pain was getting worse, and whatever misgivings I personally had about palliative radiation would have to be set aside if this allowed me to get off the narcotics, and ultimately this was the course of treatment recommended by the man who has guided my care for the last 10 months or so. I've trusted him this far, why would I not trust him here?

So, I've underwent 2 radiation treatments so far. No big deal, as it takes a while for the treatments to begin showing progress. I have 3 more to go.

I know that sometimes Palliative care has a ring of fatality to it, that you are giving up treating for a cure and switching to just treating the symptoms. With me, this couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm fighting, but I don't want to be in pain for this fight and I don't want to be narc'd up either. I want to be lucid and fully in control of all my faculties. I had to get past this negative connotation myself, so I share this with you all to explain and perhaps help you all who may also harbor this thought that I'm giving up.

Hell to the no. I'm not giving up....but I'm pulling out the big guns to do whatever I need to do to fight this.

Keep fighting Nidor...WtE and kite this ####### until you get the KB on it.

Fight on Nidor! You are in all our hearts.

Stay Strong Bro...we need more creeps like you in the moors

Ill be praying for you, Nidor. Your courage and positive attitude are an inspiration to us all.

Keep your strong and possitive attitude you're in my thoughts and prayers.

If laughter helps Bruce try doing what I do sometimes ......no on second thought you've heard most of my stupid jokes. (yes I only have a few jokes at my disposal)

Stay strong homie, stay strong.

i never had the honour of playing with you, however i do remember seeing you many times ingame on my baby creeps, and remember being killed by you many times on my little hunter.

i am only 18, however i can feel your pain. when i was only 8 years old, i lost my mother to cancer. it was the worst thing to ever happen in my life, and to this day it still saddens me. this thread has brought up memories of my mother, and has made me appreciate the the fact that she survived over 10 years with it, and gave me happy memories i may not have otherwise had.

i refrained from posting in this thread for the longest time, because of the painful memories it brought up, but now, i am glad that i am posting. the memories are no longer painful, they are comforting to know that i had what i had for as long as i had it, and you are to thank for this. you are an inspiration to everyone, and everyone should live their life to their fullest, just as you live yours even under the circumstances. and that people should waste time as if they have all the time in the world, because even when things look great, life always has that curve ball to throw at you.

my best wishes go out to you and you family. no matter how bleak things look, there is always a sliver lining, know that there is always hope, and i hope you beat this thing, and that you get to live a long fulfilling life with your wife and children.

Will be praying for you brother, keep up the fight! God bless

Bruce (Nidor, the bestest spider) is with Hospice.

Originally Posted by bastetwraith

Bruce (Nidor, the bestest spider) is with Hospice.

He is our bestest spider.

Nidor lost his battle with cancer today. He passed away this afternoon surrounded by his loving family.

I'm very sorry to hear that. I've had important people in my life die to cancer as well, but I still don't have the right words to say other than I'm sorry
I was about to post some #### in the other threads, but now I don't feel up to it

It's a sad day. We lost a great guy and a great father. You will be missed Nidor. <3

Alex

There are no words to express the feelings right now. My thoughts and prayers go to his family, he was a great spider and from everything I have ever seen an even better person.

Rest in peace, Bruce.

My thoughts and prayers are with the family, he was a great person to play this game with. God does need great spiders in heaven and he couldnt have asked for a better one...RIP Nidor. You will be missed.

Now cracks a noble heart, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest...

Thoughts and condolences goes out to Nidor's family.

It is a very sad day indeed. My thoughts and prayers are with the family, Nidor will be greatly missed.

/salute

/Salute Nidor
One of the reasons I rolled a spider years ago, my prayers go out to you and your family.

Rest in Peace

/cry.........

RIP noble warrior. Be at peace and gain the rest you have earned.

I am sitting here at work, crying my eyes out. Nidor was never someone who looked for people to like him, he just earned the respect and love of others by just being himself. I wish I'd known him better than I did. I will miss seeing him in the moors when I start to play again. Then again, because he will never be there, I may not ever play again. It wil not be the same without him around.


My condolences to his wife, children, and family.

Nidor(Bruce), your LOTRO family will miss you greatly.

--Lugscar

I'm very saddened by this news. Its unfortunate that I never knew Nidor personally, more on an aquaintance level, throughout my playtime in the Moors.

What I did know about him was that he was a genuine, positive source of energy out in the Moors, well liked by most, despised by none.

Someone retire this man's jersey number, he deserves it.

Cheers,
Your friendly neighborhood warg

This is truly sad news.

Nidor was one of the very best people that I've met over the years playing LOTRO. He was simply an all around standup individual who rarely (if ever) looked to get involved in drama nor put others down nor acted like an elitest #####. He was the type of person that solid gaming communities SHOULD be built around, and I'd like to think that he, for his part, was a major reason why BW PvP has at times been some of the best on any server. He was always in it for the fun, enjoyment, and escape, always having a good word or piece of advice to everyone that he crossed paths with. On the whole there are not too many people that I respect more on Brandywine.

Nidor, your journey through this mortal life may have come to an end, but I truly believe you are now in a better place where you are beholden to pain & suffering no longer. I am blessed to have known you, to have played (fought) along side you, and to have used my furry wargsie wiles to supply many an ample distraction that led to a fair number of epic escapes from seemingly doomed in-combat burrows.

I know it's been beaten to death, but it doesn't hurt to say it once more: None of us knows how much time we or our loved ones have on this earth. Take advantage of every moment, live life to the fullest, and spread as much love & joy as you possibly can. Don't leave anything to chance. Don't be that guy or gal that wishes they would have done more before it was too late.

So long my friend, you will be sorely missed... T.T

[EDIT]

This one goes out to you Bruce, rest in peace brother~

I am so sorry to hear this. RIP to a long-time Lotro player. I am sure he will be greatly missed.

I dont play much anymore but I will give a warg salute to Nidor and Howl in his memory. He was a great player and very fun to hang with.


/salute

/ Howl

/Mourn

My heart sank when I read about Nidor's passing. I remember when I first started playing my weaver years back of being in total awe of him....that never wained.....even as time marches on, he will always remain in my mind as the one who inspired me to create my weaver (even though I haven't played her lately)...there will always be a special place in the Moors for him.

Sincere condolences from both me and Gwen to his wife and children and those he held dear to his heart...Rest peacefully, Nidor....you will be missed.

Nidor... We played with and against for over 4 years, I remember him standing out as a great creep in SoA, a name that pups like me looked up to and hoped to earn the respect of. We were tribed during Bk6 MoM when most old Creeps hid out and didn't play. What a loss that he is gone but how lucky I feel to have enjoyed his company on the binary field of battle when I could. A good man.

I feel lucky to have played with and against Nidor. I wish him the best in the next life and hope his family can come to terms with his passing. He will definitely be missed.